getting too

how do you stop
the downward pull
if you don't know how to fly?

i've been told you just let go
you'll float, soar.

but when i do,
i sink
i try
clawing my way up.
but i'm constantly flailing.

there's never anything to grasp

i'm getting too old.
i'm getting too tired.
i'm getting too
getting too
too.

Bare

bones.
i'm happy to see
bones

ribs
hips
spine
bones.

jutting out

my bones
with nothing on them.

-er.

greener than the grass
under which my body lies
softer than the air that blows
through the holes
left in your heart.

happier than that one time
and it was only once
greater than any day
before i saw
what you were.

pale and torn
and
goodbye.

sans voir

blessed are the invisible;

naked and free, unseen.

kept away from the misguided;

alone and safe, untouched.

left to drift, to do and to be;

beautiful and unmarked.

and from the margins,

they're laughing at me.

a weed, a flower.

she was charismatic,
so strong.
flexing her muscles,
smiling,
and winning over hearts.

she walked on her heels,
as if she owned the place.

stomp
stomp
stomping
over us.
silencing us.

she was bright, interesting,
complete.
and i met her,
only to hate her.
growling as i watched her,
in perfect movement,
in sound being,
radiating all that is good.

whilst i sat, curled
in a chair, small
and suffering,
jealous,
and in awe,
she stood and stared down
at me
pushing me farther into the ground.

and i let her.
because i was frozen.
and i let her,
because i am me,
and she is everything.

and she grew, grew, grew.
as i shrank, and disappeared.

treasure hunting.

i was clawing through the night
searching for something i
had lost --
who knows what.
it feels as if my whole life
is a constant search
for a place,
for a love,
for meaning.

but i'll be searching forever.
i'm just really shitty at treasure hunts,
i guess.

He is loved

when You walked in
so late at night
drunk as hell,
loud and obnoxious,
I didn't care.
because that's what love is.

when I gave You
all of my secrets
to do with
what you pleased,
I didn't care.
because that's what love is.

when I forgave
every small lie,
every misstep,
and ceded to you
completely,
I didn't care.
because that's what love is.

and I love You
though I don't love much
but You--
You, I love.